I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
