Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
