Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
