no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
