You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
