allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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