The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
