booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
