probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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