How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
