I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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