Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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