I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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