Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
did i walk over a car last night?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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