Who wears a wallet chain?!
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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