I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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