I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize