I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
