new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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