whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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