i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
