Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
