Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
