This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
