When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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