Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to sanitize my soul.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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