Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
