I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
