There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
