I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
