Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If that was your dad, he is hot
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
