Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
