at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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