My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
