her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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