At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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