My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
