After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
