I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
