I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
