Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
