I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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