There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
