the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
