I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
