READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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