we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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