are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
