you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
