i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
