I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
