Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
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