How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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