Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
