yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
