we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
