my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
