I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
