Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
