Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
