You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
