is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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