She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
