this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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