I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
