9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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