Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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