My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
