hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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