he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
