im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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