Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
