$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
