yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
