Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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