no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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