Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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