mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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