Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You've changed since you got that strap on
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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