He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
