dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
