I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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