Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Randomize
