I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
