I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where is the hickey?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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