Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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