hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize