Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
